Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence

• One of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.

It’s something we all face, to some degree, I think. The key question: how do you overcome that fear?

By working on your self-confidence and self esteem. Without really thinking of it in those terms, that’s what I’ve been doing over the years, and that’s what helped me finally overcome my fears, and finally pursue my dreams.

I still have those fears, undoubtedly. But now I know that I can beat them, that I can break through that wall of fear and come out on the other side. I’ve done it many times now, and that success will fuel further success.

A person lacking in self-confidence who receives a low mark for an assignment may think, "What else could I expect? I'm stupid, this proves it, and I might as well leave." A person with healthy self-esteem who receives a low mark may think, "I wonder where I went wrong? I'll find out so that I can do better next time." Although this person may feel disappointed, s/he does not feel diminished as a person, by the low mark.

If we have little self-confidence then the ‘low mark' scenario may trigger memories of similar events in the past and then lead to a cycle of negative thinking in the form of self-critical put-downs. This is how we intensify and perpetuate a lack confidence. When we feel low like this our expectations about the future tend to be negative and this discourages us from really trying. Then we experience another disappointing result and feel negative about ourselves again.ne of the things that held me back from pursuing my dreams for many years was fear of failure … and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear.

Why are confidence and self-esteem important?

The impact of having low confidence and self-esteem varies greatly and can range from only impacting in one specific setting to being very restricting and debilitating. Low self-confidence can result in:

• shyness
• communication difficulties
• social anxiety
• lack of assertiveness
• What would improve my confidence and self-esteem?
• Learn to be more assertive and not feel guilty about saying no
• Give yourself at least equal priority as those you love
• Examine why you feel bad about yourself and what you can do to change this
• Monitor your self talk and question your negative statements about yourself
• Stop focusing on yourself too much and try to help others
• Make time for yourself and treat yourself often
• Don't be afraid to ask others for what you want

What strategies could I use to improve my self-confidence?

1. Practicing self-acceptance

We can improve our self-confidence in a number of ways. One of the most important ways is to become more accepting of ourselves. Look at your strengths and achievements and put a plan in place to address areas of weakness.

We need to practice self-acceptance, feeling OK about ourselves and others regardless of the existing conditions. If we make mistakes, hurt or offend other people, it may be appropriate to make amends but it need not lead to low self-confidence. In this way, we may sometimes think it is reasonable to be critical of our behaviour and try to change it but without being critical of ourselves. This attitude helps maintain a healthy level of self-confidence.

2. Focus on your achievements

If you take time to think you will realise that you have achieved so many things in your life. It doesn't matter what these achievements are only that they are important to you. List them and remember what they meant to you. It doesn't matter what you think about your life at present if you are honest with yourself you will make a long list and that will make you feel good. Every small thing you are proud of should be added to your list. The fact that you are focusing on positives will also help you to increase your level of self esteem.

3. Seeking out positive experiences and people

We can give ourselves positive experiences as a way of increasing our self-confidence. Also, spending time with people who like us for who we are is helpful. Surround yourself with positive influences and avoid those who are constantly being negative. Being around critical people most of the time or withdrawing from genuine social contact can have a detrimental effect on how we feel about ourselves and our self-confidence.

"Low self-confidence isn't a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered--just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better." --Barrie Davenport